What To Do To Distract Yourself During Separation

It's a common experience for Separation stage to occur between Twin Flames or in any relationship and one question I receive often is what can one do in order to distract one's self from constantly thinking about the other person. 

The thing is, when separated from someone you care about or love, the thoughts of the person can easily move from positive thinking and positive expectation and being in the space of allowing into chronic or even obsessive thoughts. And, I can see how one could be particularly vulnerable to this when in quarantine or self-isolation during this point in time due to the pandemic. If you're home alone with nothing but your thoughts, then you'll eventually move into thinking about them which can easily turn a connection into attachment thinking, and not in a good way. 

For most people, the objective is surrender. In other words, release any pressure including pressure on the connection and give everything up to your higher power knowing that if the connection is intended to manifest, then it absolutely will, followed by beginning to move forward with one's life and living one's own life well. But when we're alone with our thoughts and with limited interactions with others in general, this can become quite the task.

It's easy to say "focus on something else," but when we actually try, it becomes even more noticed because we're actually putting "effort" into "not focusing on them" which will ultimately result in...yep, focusing on them because you're trying to hard not to. I noticed this happened to me back in the day before my Twin Flame and I were in Union and there wasn't even a pandemic going on, so I can just imagine what it's like trying to live your life to the fullest whilst locked in the house absent of any other distractions. If you live on your own, this might be even more difficult a task. 

How To Distract Yourself & Redirect Your Thoughts:

First, don't put too much effort into it, take the pressure off of you:  I say this because if you're trying to do something, then your focus will be on that thing you're trying not to do. Don't psych yourself out. Don't punish yourself if and when those thoughts of the other person creep in. You won't be able to help these thoughts and you cannot control your brain. In other words, take the pressure off of you. Don't tell yourself "I can't think of them," rather, simply go on about your day. Trying "not to" think of them will only cause more thinking of them. You are allowed to think of them. Just don't allow yourself to get to an obsessive point. 

Remove any triggers that are surrounding you:  You've probably organized your house to the standards of Marie Kondo but in case you haven't yet, now is a prime opportunity to do so. The thing is, our brains are wired in a linear fashion so we have routines. Our brains might "expect" to have a certain thought at a certain time for example. I know back when I was in this situation, I'd end up looking at the clock each day at exactly 11:11, 12:12 and 2:22. Was this some special universal message just for me? Not really, it was the fact that each day, I was looking at the clock at the same exact times because I had grown accustomed to doing so. While there can be meaning behind numerology and synchronicity, this wasn't the case for me in this particular situation. The numbers simply meant that I was looking at the clock each day at the same time - because that was my routine. Each day when I looked at my pillow and blanket, I'd think of my twin because that is the spot I'd sit and have my video chats with him. If you change up the appearance of your surroundings, this might help you divert your attentions and subconsciously gravitate toward NEW AND DIFFERENT THOUGHT PATTERNS. We tend to often times when we have a specific routine, end up thinking the same things at the same times, or when we are triggered to do so. Changing up your immediate surroundings might sound trivial but it does work. Redecorate. It doesn't need to be an investment in new decor, it can be moved decor instead. I do however really like the effect of a new bedding set because it's where you lay your head and where you dream. You can change up your style with buying new, but you can achieve the exact same effects by using what you already have around your house.

Create a new schedule & change it often:  This may sound silly but it works. It goes back to the pre-frontal cortex of our brains when we don't want to allow new information in. In other words, if we're used to doing the same thing in a pattern on a daily basis, our thinking patterns can follow. Changing up your schedule - even small things - can really make a difference in your thinking patterns. If you usually exercise at a certain time, change it to a different hour on 3 days of the week for example, and then reverse it on the following week. That is just an example, but you get the general idea.

Become mindful by giving yourself permission to relax:  Remember, The Creator built an intuition into us all for good reason. You would never steer yourself wrong, and therefore you can trust yourself. Because you know that you can trust yourself and trust The Creator's divine plan for you, then you know that you can also give yourself permission to relax and to release any worries or what-if thinking. If you engage in what-if thinking, you'll likely end up on the receiving end of MORE what-if thinking or self-limiting beliefs. Why? Because Like Attracts Like. That's just basic manifestation but it's also basic science. If you are in the space of waiting, you'll end up receiving more...guess what? Waiting! If you are engaged in worry, you'll receive more worry. The Universe is comprised of energy and what happens is, that when we engage in something specific, especially for a long time, that energy picks up on what we are emitting. So, it in turn will say, "She or he really does a lot of waiting and worry so they must like it, so let's give them more of exactly that." Remember, intended connections will happen so you do not need to worry, you can make the clear mindful decision to release what doesn't serve you or the Highest Good (such as worry, fear, self-limiting thinking) and move forward from that space into the space of allowing.

Stop with the fukakta oracles and the "what if I don't" thoughts:  I see so many people who actually buy things like angel cards or the like and then they use them all the time, sometimes several times a day, and then they take an "average" of what the cards or oracles told them. The thing is, while cards can be fun, when you're seeking and asking anything except The Creator at Source and Origin, who knows what is hearing you and responding to you. If there's one thing the darkness can really do well, is masquerade as things that are trustworthy and pretend to be the light. One example of this is the folks who truly believe that angels, who are actually G-d's army, come down to tell their fortunes. Suffice it to say that angels don't tell fortunes, people tell fortunes and when one uses stuff that isn't of the light then who knows what one will get. The thing is, these things can be very trustworthy-seeming in the beginning in order to gain one's trust and then they exact their objective which is to land the person in stagnation, confusion and separate them from their correct path and worst of all, from the light and from The Creator. This is why we see people say things like, "I use cards everyday but I've been stuck and stagnated and confused still. I get some clarity from it but I never quite get myself "unstuck." Yep, there's a reason for this. In order for the light to exist, the darkness also must exist and the darkness can be clever and tricky. I am not saying that all oracles are somehow "evil." I am saying be careful and don't allow something to take over your thinking. I have even seen people use cards every day or every week because they're nervous and they're always worried about what they might see and they end up drawing multiple spreads, it's just a terrible vicious cycle. Again, I am not saying that all oracles are somehow negative, I'm saying don't allow things to separate you from your Creator and have some trust and faith in yourself and in your path. Constantly checking on the altitude of what your partner might be thinking at any given moment of the day easily becomes an addiction and it becomes an addiction because your Higher Self is telling you simultaneously in it's very quiet little voice, "Stop listening to everything except yourself and The Creator." It's a very quiet little voice but that's why people end up freaking themselves out pulling 2,3,4 spreads at a time. RELAX. Trust yourself, trust your Creator and stop your worrying. 

Set a time limit on looking at their social media:  I realize there's not a whole lot to do right now in the pandemic driven self-isolation here, but sometimes when given the opportunity, one will spend way too much time looking at their partner's social media. It would be absurd to say "block them" because you eventually do want communication if you're in separation, right? Blocking would theoretically cause the opposite. Yes, I know this is common sense. And, you don't want to tell yourself that you're not allowed to look at their social media because that is just unrealistic. And, it would cause you to worry about the stuff you're not even seeing in the first place. So the happy medium here is moderation. Everything in moderation. Set a limit each day or week to visit their social media and stick to it. And, stop trying to read into each like or each post that they happen to make. If you see something interesting on their social media, great! But don't allow yourself to be consumed by what-if thinking as it pertains to social media. 

I'll give you an example. Let's say you say lots of butterflies one day and you look at your beloved's social media and you see a post that contains an image of a butterfly. Is this a secret message to you? No, it's a synchronicity, it's not a message. Unless they specifically posted it for you, or told you they did, chances are it's a sync, not a secret message if you're in Separation. Technically, syncs are like messages but they're different in the respect that they're divine and not direct. A message to you would look more like a DM that reads, "I saw lots of butterflies today, did you too?" A sync is seeing a post about the butterflies after having seen many that day. Something like this and trying to decipher it can drive a person to bonkers. This is why I recommend not going to deep into the social media, especially when in self-isolation whilst alone with one's thoughts. Actually, being on your own with your own thoughts can lead you to great clarity in some ways. Just don't drive yourself nuts in the process.

Don't pressure yourself to "send" anything all the time:  Remember, if you're in an intended connection and unconditional love exists, such as with Twin Flame, then you're going to by default have plenty of it. There's no express need to send more. As a matter of fact, if you send too much, they might even perceive it as a pressure if they happen to be in the running stage of the Runner / Chaser Stage of the journey to Union. We do not "need" to over-send. Think about what happens when we crave pizza and we end up eating the whole thing, or if we over-wash our hands because we're worried about catching the virus. Some of a good thing is excellent. Too much is overkill and can cause a pulling away due to pressure in some cases, so we want to keep it light, airy, present but non-pressuring. If you are connected then chances are they're picking up on you anyway, so you don't actually "need" to "send" anything because they're already sensing and picking it up due to the connection itself by default. I see many people think they have to send love to their respective counterpart constantly. Talk about a full time job. There's no need because you are energetically emitting unconditional love anyway. Think of it as typing your shoes and then tying them again, double knots, and then doing it a third and forth time in rapid succession. Everyone knows that anything more than a double knot almost always comes undone. Why? Because the strings get caught up and stuck and loosen against one another as you walk. Silly analogy, yes, but you at least get the idea here.

Stop making "fixing or healing yourself" a miserable full time job:  A lot of people think being in a relationship is somehow like a job. It's because they make it a job. "Give gratitude, say affirmations, do your manifestation exercises, hurry up and help others, journal every single day, do self-love and inner healing OR ELSE you won't reach Union with your Twin Flame! It's exhausting! Are you serious? Remember, intended mates connect when ready. Chances are, you do not "need" to "fix" yourself, however if you truly want to engage in inner work then by all means, I'm a huge proponent for anything that makes a person feel better. But do you have any idea how many people I've spoken with who claim they spend a fortune on classes, coaching, workshops, you name it...and they're still not with their beloved? And they still think there's something wrong with them too. Relax. Remember what I wrote above about releasing the pressure from yourself? I can't imagine any productive relationship that could possibly end well with that much pressure. Again, if you want to do a whole bunch of work, by all means. But please don't make it an obsession. I've even seen people who had pretty nice lives do "inner work" that "triggered" bringing up their past (that they'd already healed and put to bed) and bring it all up again for what? To revisit old wounds? For a good time? Hey, therapy is great but if it's not broken, don't fix it. That old saying rings very true for many people. Remember, intended connections happen WHEN INTENDED AND BOTH SOUL BEINGS ARE READY so remember this and don't try to pressure yourself too much. Be in the space of allowing. Healing is awesome, yes! But don't make "working" on yourself a 24 hour thing that you hate. If you desire to work on yourself, do it because it brings you peace and because it's uplifting and enlightening for you. Enjoy yourself.

Start doing things that you absolutely adore by learning to TRY:  If you like to look at the works that hang in museums and have always wished for talent, why not try? If you love cooking but always wanted to come up with your own recipes, why not try? I once heard the old story about the elderly woman who went back to college in her 90's because she said, "I'll be 94 anyway, why not be 94 with a college degree?" Think about you. What would you enjoy doing? There isn't a limit on this. If you're home in self-isolation you might actually have some additional time on your hands too. You won't know unless you try and there's no harm in trying. If you have always hated your living room walls but don't want to risk painting them and can't hire a painter because of the pandemic, why not just try painting anyway and do it all by yourself? Or, paint a mural. Trying something way out of your usual comfort zone will pull your mind away from self-limiting beliefs and recurring thoughts of your Twin Flame constantly nagging at you faster than anything else under the sun. Take all of the passion you have toward your connection and borrow some to put into something new. Worse case scenario you learn something and discover something about yourself. 

Reconnect with loved ones:  If it's been a while, you will want to set aside any fear-based thinking or fear of rejection. Reach out. Family, friends, people you knew in grade school...there is no limit here. Do you owe someone an apology? Do you owe someone a phone call? Does someone else owe you one? Try extending the olive branch. They might be just as scared as you are. Parents who have not spoken with their children in a long time, or a great aunt who you met three times during family reunions. People in general appreciate being thought of. You don't have to put a lot of deep thought into what to say, so much as how it's said. A simple "Hey there, I was thinking of you because something reminded me of you so I thought I would reach out and say hello," will suffice perfectly nicely. Let your guard down and don't wait because no one is ever promised a tomorrow. Reconnecting with loved ones and old friends can be an uplifting experience and it just might make your day as well as their's. And, you won't be thinking about your Twin Flame when you're at it. You'll be focusing on another connection and making it an uplifting experience. What friends and loved ones have sort of taken a back seat since you've become consumed with your Twin Flame or consumed with worry about this pandemic we're all in right now? Open a dialogue.

Oftentimes it feels easier to meet and chat with new people versus old connections because with older connections such as friends and family there's a foundation already there. There's a history. It's a great evolutionary move upward in our spiritual evolutionary path when we can set aside the past and move into the here and now and the future with our old connections. So, reconnect! And yes, it's perfectly okay and beneficial to make new connections while you're at it.

Go seek nature:  Yes, wear your masks but going outside even for a few minutes (outdoors, not to the store, outside with nature) will lift your spirits. Fresh air, sunshine, green grass. Enjoy it. Be safe of course but enjoy the nature that The Creator made. While you're at it, you can connect (or reconnect) with your Creator. If you haven't spoken for a while, trust me when I say He's listening and patiently waiting. Ask Him your questions, get clarity. You'll feel enlightened and more at peace within yourself and your soul. Have you ever seen a cat resting on the porch in the sunlight, the fur is all warm and the kitty is purring? Why is it purring? Because it's relaxing and comfortable, yes, but there's also another reason. Because living things thrive in nature. See the trees but REALLY see them. See how everything is interconnected. The trees have leaves, they die and fall and they become soil again for the tree's roots to thrive. When one tree is sick in the group they all send nutrients to one another. Everything is interconnected. Everything communicates. Look closely and you'll see. You'll even notice birds are having actual conversations - literal exchanges - between them. If you don't want to go for a walk, you can still experience the pleasure of nature. If you have spare string and yarn, lay it out on your hedges and you'll see the birds come collect it for their nests. You will see how they collect things in their beaks and carry the things they pick up, up into the trees to their nests. Get yourself grounded and centered with nature because you're a part of nature because you're a living thing. Your mind won't be the least little bit cluttered when you're centered and grounded in nature.

I hope these suggestions will help you. I wish you many blessings xo

 

3 comments

Agnes Maria

Wow! I really needed this right now. Thanks so much, Helena! ♡

payal

why I feel pain in heart. as if someone taking out my heart

Stephanie

Hi Helena,

I’d just like to say thank you for all of the advice on your blog. You are such a beautiful soul to help those who need guidance. I’ve been on my own twin flame journey and you have helped me tremendously. I’m closer to union everyday, and this week I’ve had some amazing progress. No coincidence that I started your scripting technique a few days ago!

I’ve been working on manifesting for the last month, scripting, giving gratitude, praying, and meditating daily. I just happened upon your site a couple of weeks ago, and everything you say is in such alignment with the path I’m on. I truly believe that this works, I’ve experienced so many amazing blessings already just by believing and channeling my good and grateful energy into love for my twin flame and believing our full union is very close.

After 4 years, we recently entered the separation phase of our journey, although we talk everyday and still spend time together. I was the runner at one point, so I’ve been completely understanding of all that is happening now. Yesterday was a big step forward and I’m still amazed at how quickly everything is happening. Thank you so much for your guidance and for being a help to us!

Many blessings,

Stephanie

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