What happens when you make waiting on a relationship your identity?

I've decided to respond to this question here because I feel it warrants being addressed due to the number of people who tend to believe that "twin flame" somehow means that one's personal identity has somehow changed. 

Whether you've met your twin flame/soulmate/whomever or not, you're still you. You are still yourself and you're a person. 

Twin Flame or soulmate is not your identity, or at least it shouldn't be.
There's many things that can mold and shape us as people, to become who and what we are. But it would be extremely arrogant of me to say something like "I am a" relationship. No one is their relationships and connections. Rather, our relationships and the connections we make throughout life help us learn, grow and shape us into who and what we become and compliment our lives. We don't become them. 
Even meaningful soul connections, they can effect us but they're not us, they're connections and relationships with people. We're human beings and it would be incredibly arrogant to say or let alone to think otherwise. This is why I cringe when I hear people say "I am a twin flame" or worse, "I am a 'true' twin flame." As though it's their identity or something. 
EVERY single one of us, we all have purpose. You can call it mission, purpose, or experience with reason. Whatever term you want to use is just fine.
Sometimes, there are many purposes we'll encounter and have in life. But we are not our purpose. Our purpose is what we do, it isn't who and what we are. 
There's a propensity in those who lack a firm sense of self-identity to decide to "self-identify" with a purpose versus actually being a person with an identity.
There's a difference between having a purpose and being a person.
You have purpose. You may even share purpose with others. But you're not just your purpose. You're a person. Hopefully there's more to you than just your relationship connection.
I've noticed a lot of people who have fragile egos hear about things like twin flames and soulmates and decide that they'll make that their identity.
Sometimes, they even make up excuses in their minds to guard and shield their fragile egos from the pain of rejection because of that false sense of self-identity. 
"I know ___ is my twin flame, they just have to get through [enter reason or justification here] so once they complete ___ we'll finally be together." 
"I know ___ is my twin flame, I just have to sign up for [healing, inner work, personal growth, enter whatever excuse here] and then we can finally be together." 
And do you know what? They are absolutely in love with their own ideas with very little if any room for personal growth.
You see, when you're in love with your own ideas with no room for anything else, then you're doing yourself a disservice. It's the TRULY ENLIGHTENED folks who know that maybe, just maybe, there's something else... they leave room for possibility. 
The other thing I tend to see is when people lay the responsibility for their own happiness on others. 
In other words they're thinking, "I'll finally get a turn at happiness once my twin flame/soulmate/whomever and I are together." 
Really? You can't be happy now? What's wrong with right now? Why can't you be happy right now in the moment? 
I'm not saying that you can't love someone, I'm saying by putting all your eggs in one basket and all the responsibility on that one other person to fill a void for you - a void that you're meant to fill for yourself - isn't necessarily a healthy choice. It also places you in the space of waiting versus the space of allowing.
I remember back in the day, there was a woman who told me she'd met her twin flame. And he really might be, hey, who am I to contradict, right? But she asked for my opinion. So, I shared it with her. Unfortunately she didn't care for my opinion or any that contradicted the idea she was so in love with. She was not just in love with the guy, she was in love with the idea that this guy was her twin flame and there was absolutely zero room for the possibility that he wasn't. 
There was no room for that possibility because she was in love with her idea, and because she was, in her own mind, idealizing the concept of "the perfect love" and this guy fit the mold for her.
She's still not with him, he's still ignoring her and as a matter of fact, he's tried pretty hard to prevent himself from having to be around her, other than going by her place here and there for some action when he feels like some sex. 
Of course you'll say, "But he's using her. That's cruel and wrong. Didn't you tell her that she's being used?" Well, yes, but technically it isn't my job to tell someone what to do like their mother, I can only give an opinion when asked. But remember, she's not just in love with him. She's in love with the idea of him as well as being in love with the idea of perfect love.
You could tell someone they're about to get hit by a bus if they waltz out into the street all day long, but unless they actually feel like taking that under advisement, there's not a lot you can do. Grown adults have the right to make whatever choices they want to, even if that choice might not be a good one.
But you know what? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she's totally right to sit and wait on that guy (even though it's been years now.) See what I just did there? Room for possibility that maybe I'm wrong. That's my whole point.
There's a difference you see between someone who's in love with their own ideas, and someone who's actually enlightened. 
Now, let's play devil's advocate and say she doesn't wait. What might happen?
She might move forward with her life in a positive way. But what if she waits?
That will mean she'll remain in the exact same place -until she doesn't.
As it stands right now, she's still in that space of waiting. She tells herself every day that she's moving forward with her life. But in her heart, she's still waiting.
Why doesn't she stop doing that? Because of fragile ego, it would mean that she'd been potentially incorrect about her perception of their connection and it would also mean that she'd wasted time waiting on the wrong relationship and the fragile ego cannot do that. 
So, excuses are made like "It's just too intense for them so they ran away." 
Maybe that's true, but maybe it's that it's just the wrong relationship too. So do you want to stick around waiting to find out? How long is too long for waiting? A month? A year? A decade? It is up to you. Personally, I don't see how waiting can help anything because if someone's in a toxic relationship and being used, it's up to them to figure that out and leave that relationship and escape the pain.
But escaping that pain would also mean they'd have to admit to themselves that just maybe that person wasn't their meant-to-be-match or twin flame or whatever term you want to use. Maybe it was another kind of a relationship, a different experience, maybe even to help them learn something. And for someone who has made twin flame their entire identity, that is no small move for that fragile ego.
There are of course, numerous lists of "symptoms" that go along with ascension and soul growth, including ones that match up with what people refer to as the criteria of a twin flame relationship. Maybe some of those things people experience aren't always twin flame-related. Maybe they're just going through ascension.
After all, there are many types of connections that are the most intense of a lifetime that are not necessarily twin flame, right? Or, maybe they've really met their twin flame. 
The truth is, if you've met your twin flame you may very well have that sense of knowing. Or, you might not even realize it. There's plenty of folks I know who met their twins and soulmates for that matter and didn't recognize them until much later on. Everyone's different. Each situation is different in its own way.
But is waiting on a relationship truly the healthy thing? What if the other person for whom you're waiting just isn't interested in having a meaningful committed relationship with you, and is only interested in casual dating or something physical? I think the answer to this really comes down to asking yourself what you personally deserve and want in a relationship. 
If you only want someone for physical intimacy, or if you only want a casual dating connection, there's nothing at all wrong with this. The only time in my mind that something like this could become harmful is when there's the potential of getting hurt, such as when you want something more serious and exclusive when the other person isn't interested in that. So, then what?
This is when personal discernment comes into play which is extremely important.
Think about what it is YOU want and need in your relationship. Does your partner have the same desires and needs? Do those needs in a relationship mesh well together, or are you arguing over commitment?
Just because someone acknowledges a connection in a relationship doesn't mean they're experiencing that connection in the same way you are, which is why discernment comes in. Think about what you want in a relationship. You want (most would assume) someone who's available on ALL LEVELS, not just some levels at certain times. 
Think clearly about what YOU want in a relationship and your partner should ideally desire the same type of relationship you do. Fulfillment and happiness and contentment go hand-in-hand. When two people desire the same things in a relationship and one isn't just dropping bread crumbs or begging for bread crumbs is the point. 
Sometimes considering what you want in a relationship takes a bit of time to decide. Someone said once, "Why should I settle for starving, and practically begging for bread crumbs when I could eat a whole meal?"
And my response to that is, "exactly." 
When you're open to receiving, receiving more than the occasional crumb that you're using to give yourself permission to wait on the wrong relationships, that's when you find what you're truly seeking. 
I hope this helps! Blessings xo

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