Yeah, yeah... Just because my twin flame and I are together happily in union doesn't mean that I've forgotten what it feels like to be "out there." As a matter of fact, I thank my lucky stars everyday that I no longer have to be out there, we both do! And one day, you won't have to be either but until then, moving forward is the only way to go. So, why is it so darn hard sometimes?
That's an easy answer. For one thing, unless you've been living under a stone then you'll know that there's a pandemic going on right now so it's harder to get out there and meet people. People are at home more than ever but as with all things that we receive in life as a lemon, we can turn it into lemon aide.
For another, when we're trying to move forward, sometimes we end up happening across ... well ... um, er... bad matches. People who are best not suited for us. Some are downright batpoop crazy to put it bluntly. While the Ted Bundys of the world are relatively few and far between (thankfully) there's still a lot of weird-o's out there. A person has to be kind of careful nowadays.
There's of course the dreaded covert narcissist everyone's afraid of happening across (but hopefully well enough equipped and prepared to handle, should one arise) and then there's the control freaks, the perpetual victims, the emotional abusers, the physical abusers, the depressives and even the Borderlines who, with the flip of a switch can go from day to night or even mirror so well that they adopt other people's personalities and even writing styles. We need not, a relationship with a person who wears others like a costume, kills baby bunnies or makes us fear waking up in the morning. Not that we all don't have our own issues, heck, I'm nutty as a fruitcake! My ex-husband used to say every time we'd drive through it, "We're passing through it! Claxton, GA is the Fruitcake Capital of The World - it's YOUR town, Helena!" And well, he was right!
But when it comes to dating we HOPE to end up with someone who's around our own level of crazy or a little less crazy than we are, right? Yeah... Yet the mere IDEA of "moving forward" sounds like a freaking homework assignment. I never liked homework. So let's make this fun instead, shall we?
That said, we want to be proactive about it and also keep everything in logical perspective when we're attempting to move forward with our lives and this includes dating - which I PROMISE can actually be fun.
Don't think so? I'll show 'em. Keep reading...
You see, whether you're "moving forward" with your life enjoying making lots of positive soul connections for the purposes of creating that necessary energetic shift for yourself, or perhaps you're trying to move forward to meet your intended mate for once, or whether you're reading this article to gain some assistance in moving forward from your Twin Flame or Soulmate connection in order to help your Runner / Chaser cycle come to a complete stop once and for all so you can eventually reach union with them, this article is for you - and yes, I'll teach you how moving forward can actually be a good time.
It's All About The Mindset: Get YOUR Mindset In The Right Place First
Like I said, I never cared for homework. I marvel at how I got through high school because that was 90% homework and then my courses in college because though traditional "homework" had halted, there was always either required reading, studying or some paper to write. That said, stop thinking of moving forward or dating as though it's some kind of a job. It's fun versus work. And also remember that in dating, there are no rights or wrongs here. Take the pressure OFF of yourself so you can have a good time!
This is going to be FUN!
Yeah, great... But what if I'm still super attached to someone else, or the idea of being with someone else?
When you're moving forward but are still feeling an attachment to someone else, moving forward can feel like a job. I get it.
This is, in part, where surrender comes in. Let me help you with that.
If this is you, then you're going to want to adopt this mindset:
"I know how I feel about ___ and I accept and acknowledge this. I also know that ___ isn't available on all levels for a relationship with me -at least not right now. If they were, then we'd be together now. Both partners being available on all levels is necessary. While I have this intuitive sense that tells me that we should be together and/or that we'll eventually end up together, I know that's not how it is -at least right now. So, I'm going to move forward with my life and rest my heart and mind knowing that if we're intended to be together then things will fall into place for that to happen, all in Divine Timing. But right now, I need to be happy and fulfilled in my life - on all levels of my life - all of the time, not just some of the time. And, I know that by my moving forward with my life this not only brings about the shift in the polarity of the connection I share with ___, but it also takes me from the space of waiting to the Space Of Allowing. This means that I can make room for "allowing" the positive to happen, and then the positive will be allowed to come "for me," rather than things happening "to me." I know that Like Attracts Like. So, when I wait then I will end up on the receiving end of...more waiting. No one wants that. But when I'm proactive and moving forward, then this shifts the polarity and then the proactive / positive things can finally come for me."
I'm not usually one for positive affirmations, they don't usually work for most people unless people actually anticipate versus believe what they're writing. Sometimes it helps though, to write yourself helpful little condensed versions of this as positive affirmations. Stick them on your mirror, on your kitchen sink, anywhere you may find yourself looking directly. Remember that with affirmations, Like Attracts Like.
Use your Keys I've taught you. The traditional keys work, but I've found that these keys helps to fine-tune into our preferred destiny (our final outcome.)
Gratitude, Expectation v/s Mere Belief, Proactive Anticipation, Positive Emotion, Proactive Physical Action and Logical Thought. And especially when it comes to a desire, we take the pressure off the thing or situation we want by shifting it from a want or a desire to a mere preference.
An example of this might look like: "I'm so grateful that I'm in the Space Of Allowing that is bringing to me everything that I prefer."
If positive affirmations help you, excellent! I don't care how you choose to do it, so long as you keep your mindset in the right place!
Tips on how to actually move forward now...
Okay, now that we've covered your mindset, let's look at some tips that will help you actually get the job done - without it feeling like a job.
- Try to keep it all in positive perspective. Remember, this is supposed to be a good time! Worst case scenario, you end up learning something from the connections you make.
- Stop "trying" so hard. Sometimes we think to ourselves that we need to try hard at everything, so we do...even dating. Relax. Breathe. Release the pressure from yourself. This is supposed to be fun, remember?
- Focus on how YOU feel. Remember, listen to your feelings and don't be afraid to feel them or acknowledge them. Our feelings are there for a reason. While feelings of connection can often take time to establish in a healthy way, don't feel obligated to keep seeing someone if after enough time has passed, you're just not... "feeling it."
- Focus on their traits. Speaking of connection, we sometimes get too wrapped up in how we *think* we should feel around someone. In dating, feelings of connection and great chemistry can sometimes be instantaneous. So, we begin to believe that unless we immediately feel that "rock me to my soul connection" that even we can't quite put into words, that the person isn't worthy. Remember, feelings of connectedness can happen instantly but most of the time it'll take at least 3-5 dates to even feel reasonably safe and comfortable around a new person. It's when we begin to feel safe that those more intense feelings begin to develop. So while you're getting to know someone, set the idea of intense connection aside focus on their traits: do they tick the boxes on your list? Allow things to develop so you can really get to know the whole person.
- Stop comparing the connections. Again regarding connectedness, we sometimes tend to compare how we felt about a previous relationship or person to someone new. Everyone is unique so it's important to afford each person you meet the courtesy of getting to know them without comparing them to relationships past. It's equally important to not make the new relationship pay for mistakes that another person has made. In other words, just because Bob comes home late doesn't necessarily mean he's hiding a clandestine affair with his secretary the way your ex did.
- Resist dating someone who has way too many red flags. While it's important to not make a new person pay for the mistakes that someone else in your life made, it's equally as important to pay attention to "red flags." Never turn a blind eye to them but do look at them non-judgmentally but thoroughly.
- Listen to your intuition, it's there for a reason. And on the note of red flags, we all have a certain level of intuition, or what we call a gut instinct. It's what keeps us from eating the really delicious berries outside that are actually highly poisonous. It's even said that certain intuitive soul memory can be passed down from ancestors. Whether this is true or not, red flags are something we just can't ignore - so don't. Your intuition is there for a reason. Use it carefully though and always with discernment.
- Got baggage? Embrace it... The right partner will accept you, cracked luggage tags and all. The dating coaches all tell us to "hide our crazy," at least for a while (and they're right!) In the beginning of any relationship we all put our best selves forward. Then slowly but surely they learn all of our little quirks and idiosyncrasies are revealed. Of course use common sense, we don't want to throw all of our crazy at them on the 1st date! The right match for you though will adore you and that means all of you, quirks and all.
- Don't jump "all in" with one person way too soon. One thing I've noticed is that when people begin to move forward, they process through maybe a handful of matches and then settle on one, and after a few dates we feel safe, and then after a few weeks things take a turn toward romantic. When this happens, we end up settled in a relationship of sorts with one person and so we decide to go "all in." The trouble with being all in too soon is that it defeats the entire purpose of moving forward; we end up trading the ended relationship for a new one that may or may not actually be the right one. Remember, while we only need to find "the one," there's millions of humans on this earth. It's okay to take your time and get to know many in the process. You'll learn much about yourself in that process too.
- Remember, exclusivity should come only when you're with "the one" and when you're ready. Now, I'm not your mother and I can't tell you what to do but if I were I'd say, "Exclusivity can happen when you're ready, and you'll be "ready" when you intuitively know you're ready and that'll be when you've found the one." Again, it's perfectly okay to get to know different people because moving forward is a process. There's no universal law that says you have to jump headfirst into anything with anyone. Take your time. See how you feel. Think of your dates like "friends who have the potential to become more than friends." The slow and steady turtle wins this race.
- It's okay to be yourself. Please, please, please be you. If you try to become who you think this other person wants to date, you won't be being true to yourself nor to them. Then, you'll have ended up with wasted time and there's nothing worse than wasted time! How long can a person reasonably hold a facade? Please just be you. You're wonderful and it'll save time because the wrong ones will know that they're wrong for you and will move on...thereby leaving room for the right one. Remember, you only need your "one."
- Remember, physical intimacy doesn't always equate to "permanent relationship" in the other person's head. Back in the earlier part of the 1960's and before, we'd date...we'd date one another, sometimes we'd have 3 dates in the same week, all different boys. It was like friends dating friends. We even dated the boys our friends dated. There was no drama. No one was "exclusive" until it was time to get serious. And when we did get serious, we'd dated around enough to know them, to know ourselves and what we both wanted versus what we needed in a relationship and we got married and stayed married. Not anymore... Nowadays, people meet with 1 click of a button on apps that live on the phone in their pockets! Relationships tend to form very quickly now. After just a few dates, intimacy is sometimes an expectation. Intimacy causes babies. And, you know how the rest of this story goes... It's become a cycle. Some say that it's our morals and core values that have changed, but I think it has more to do with the way we live our lives and view the world. I think our core values are still good and I believe that people still have good intentions in the right place, but I think we live our lives in a much different way which changes our perspectives on certain things -like dating and relationships. So remember, nowadays it seems that physical intimacy doesn't necessarily mean "relationship" in the mind of the other person. This can be devastating to someone who was invested in the connection when it turns out that the other partner wasn't.
- Don't judge a book by it's cover. In today's world we tend to place a lot of weight on our appearance. And of course, it's common sense that one should be attracted to their partner. But remember, photos can be deceiving. Some folks just make a lousy first impression too. I learned a long time ago that just because my 1st impression of someone isn't great doesn't mean that I won't grow to find them to be the most attractive person on the planet. Attraction is linked with chemistry which is sometimes instant and sometimes it develops over time. Give everyone a fair shake.
- Pay attention to your communication styles. You can be as attracted to that person as a dog bays at the moon but eventually, the flame of passion cools and you're left with a person. They're a real live human being. Communication is a huge part of a relationship. When communication styles clash, this can cause issues in the relationship itself. So, consider your communication styles. Yes, communication styles can be the same, very different and even complimentary. Look for the right fit.
- Be true to yourself -and to them. Give them a cheat sheet. Being honest with yourself is important but also is being honest with your partner. Unfortunately, not all partners are good mind readers...perhaps they didn't pay their ESP bill. Suffice it to say, it's okay to share your requirements in a relationship. For example, let's say your partner only sends you a text every few days but you prefer to receive more consistent communication in a relationship. You can give them a sort of "cheat sheet" by simply telling them what you need and praising those actions when they take the initiative. "It makes me really happy when I hear from you several times a day, thank you!" Yeah, it may sound silly to you saying it but your partner will appreciate the compliment and store that useful tidbit and they'll do more of whatever it was they received the praise for. Sometimes we can even praise things they've not done yet and they'll take the cue and do it. Or, you can simply say "I really appreciate when I hear from my partner several times a day," but it's more counter-intuitive and the result is more instant with the previous example.Yep, no one ever thought of just telling the person instead of complaining about the lack of texts, huh?
- Dating isn't a job interview. I know that it can sometimes feel like it, but dating isn't a job interview. It's two people getting to know one another in a fun, enjoyable atmosphere. Stop thinking of it as "what do I potentially have to look forward to with this person for the next 50 years," or "am I making a good enough impression on them, I wonder what they're thinking," and just take it for what it is: a nice date. That's all it is. No pressure. Relax, enjoy it!
- Stop making "relationship worries" the center of your universe. Most of the time when we worry over something, whatever that is tends to work itself out in the end anyway. You don't need to be in constant control. It's okay to lean back and be in the space of allowing. Harness the power of you. Relax, let the worry and pressure go. You don't need it, it isn't serving your highest good. Rest your heart and mind knowing that what's intended to happen always does. Yes, you have total control over you, so use it wisely and give up the worries.
- Don't expect them to be a mind reader. Remember, they're human like you. We all want to believe that our partner will just somehow be able to intuit what we're thinking, feeling or what we need at any given time. Oh, in a perfect world! In real life though, you're going to need to be clear. While some soulmates and twin flames are able to intuit like this, most people cannot so it's a crime to expect that they can - or even that they should - so please be kind. Maybe they'll master the art of telepathy someday but right now, they're the guy or girl you met on the Happy Couples dating app so communicate and share with them.
- Establish healthy boundaries. Everyone has a sort of set of natural "unspoken boundaries" that we just don't cross. These are the common sense things. When someone crosses one of your boundaries especially early on, it's important to nip it in the bud as Barney Fife says. "Nip it! Right in the bud!"
- Carve out an hour a day - or less - for your online dating stuff. Since there's a pandemic going on, more people have been making excellent use of the virtual dating options. Remember, set a healthy boundary here too. Give yourself ample time to peruse the site and to send and respond to messages, but no more than an hour a day. There's no need to overdo a good thing. Set yourself a specific time and make yourself "go ahead and just do it," but don't overdo it or you'll burn out and get discouraged or even bored with it. It's a great sunny day outside, get out there and enjoy it. You might even happen across your ideal match when you do.
- Stop waiting around thinking "what if" because you're robbing yourself of happiness. I hear it all the time. Let me go ahead and address each and every what if that I hear multiple times a day so you can stop making excuses and self-sabotaging. You're welcome. Here you go...
What if I meet someone great and am all wrapped up in that new relationship when my soulmate or twin flame finally becomes available? (You're reaching and waaaay overthinking.)
What if I meet someone else and actually choose to be with them long-term? (See above. You're saying you can't control your own choices?)
What if I get out there and date and my soulmate or twin flame finds out and gets mad? (Um...yeah...you're in separation, this helps to change the polarity.)
What if I start dating and lose interest in my twin flame or soulmate? (Please look up the definition of twin flame and soulmate too, while you're at it.)
What if I actually meet someone and I end up hurting them? (You're borrowing trouble about a hypothetical person you've not even met yet. No one said you have to marry the 1st person you meet -tomorrow. If you're intended to be with someone else, that will happen but you'll experience a soul exchange with them which will likely be beneficial for you both in some way. Think: divine timing.)
What if I meet someone who is crazy, narcissistic or a Ted Bundy? (Are you saying you lack discernment? See above re: red flags.)
What if I waste my time and never find "the one?" (The only thing causing that is this what-if thinking which is wasting your time.)
What if I'm feeling pulled to just wait for my soulmate or twin flame to show up and manifest into my life? (Hey, if you believe they secretly work for FedEx or UPS and will come straight to your door for delivery, then by all means...wait as much as you like. If you want to be proactive, then by all means...give this a try. You've got nothing to lose.)
What if I end up alone? (We all have at least some freedom of choice and will regarding our destiny, our outcome. The only way to guarantee being alone is to continue down that aforementioned path of waiting.)
What if I end up getting hurt? (Discernment isn't just a gift, it's a virtue. Use it. Trust your choices and learn to trust yourself.)
What if I can't do it without help? (People have dated and mated and partnered for thousands of years. The evidence of human population speaks volumes. You can do this! *A little pat on the back of encouragement* You've got this!)
Create a written description of your ideal partner!
There's actually a ritual I have which I've helped people by giving them since about 2012 that entails a similar process, so you may recognize this.This is somewhat similar. I'd taken it off my site years ago because it worked so well that people would use it, end up with many connections and then call me at all hours asking advice on their situation without an appointment. Please keep in mind that I cannot consult on every individual case without an appointment because time doesn't always permit, and please be respectful by not phoning at all hours. I am not a super human, I do require sleep just as anyone else does.
This is a process which not only helps with setting intention but it also helps you discover more about what you want v/s what you need. It helps you bring your ideal partner into your life sooner rather than later. It cuts down the wasted time and helps you with the proverbial weeding process.
Putting things to paper uses proactive action, emotion, thought, and you know the rest... You won't put down things that go without saying like "he won't beat me," or "she won't be abusive." We wouldn't choose a partner like this anyway. We don't need to add things like "they'll find me attractive," because that too goes without saying. DO write in the form of the positive as though it's already happened in the present. For example, if you want to ensure that they aren't suffering with addictions you'd write "they enjoy sobriety." You get the idea.
You can take as much time as you need to in order to create your list. I recommend setting a limit though so you don't get too verbose (kind of like this article!) Write down everything that comes to mind from physical appearance to their hobbies, personality traits, likes and dislikes, even career and how responsible they are with finances if you're so inclined. Be clear, be thorough, be complete.
While it's okay to consider the traits of people you've known in your past, do not think of any particular person when making this list. Doing so can sometimes result in "duplicates" of previous partners, etc., and this is a fresh start.
Once you've completed your list, you'll have about 30-50 traits on paper, maybe more. It's a good idea at this point to consider your list and carry it with you letting it collect your energy for about a week or so, so you'll be able to adjust it as you feel fit. Once your list is complete, it's time to consider your list.
Take some time to yourself and consider your list carefully. You're now going to choose a handful of traits, somewhere between 3-5 traits that you absolutely must have in a partner. Traits like "available on all levels" and "they'll have high empathy" are often traits that people choose. Write these down on your second list.
Take your long list with all of the traits and make a copy. Hide your copy away somewhere where you won't think about it.
Take the short list of absolutes and fold into a positive fold (up and over to the right) holding the paper toward your heart as you do, until it's very small. Once it's small enough, place it in a place near you like a wallet where it stays with you and you will be able to refer to it as often as you need.
Take your originally hand written long list and fold it up. Some prefer to light a white candle for purity, ask a prayer to G-d and do a release by fire which helps set the intention to the universe, allowing the smoke and ashes go out into the universe. Some like to bury it in the earth to become part of Mother Earth Gaia so that when they become centered and grounded, they can root into the earth and ask for clarity regarding their process and their connections they're making. What you do with your paper is technically up to you. It's a process of intention. In the ritual, a candle is used in a certain manner but this process seems to work for people equally as well with intention and result.
Now that you have your long list (copy) hidden and your short list with you, go be proactive! You can refer to your short list as you meet new connections asking yourself, "Does this person have all of the traits on my short list here?" If not, then rotate them out (it's okay to remain friends) and keep communicating with and connecting with others. It's helpful to communicate with and connect with multiple people at a time when you're processing. Get to know many.
The more you're proactive, the more momentum you'll be creating. The more momentum you create, the more quickly your shift will occur. This refers to not just creating shifts with one's twin flame or preferred soulmate, but also in bringing in one's intended partner in general if you've not yet met them.
It's a simple process of weeding when you ask yourself, do they have the basic necessary traits that I must have? If not, rotate them out and begin talking with someone new. This is simply dating, just a bit more proactively. You wouldn't choose someone who doesn't have the things you need in a partner anyway. Always be kind.
Eventually, you'll find that you have several connections who possess all of the traits on your pocket list. There will be one in particular with whom you feel a certain familiar intense pull, like gravity. It's then time to revisit your hidden paper, because when you look at it again you'll see this person has all the traits you'd originally put to paper.
This is when you'll ask yourself and look to your intuitive pull, "is this my other half, is this my true intended?" Set aside any preconceived notions about how you're supposed to feel, or about what your logic should tell you. Some prefer to ask a prayer. You'll at this point, receive a subtle sense that this is the one. You may alternatively experience a sense that this isn't the one. If this is the one, excellent! If this isn't the one, you'll want to take some time for reflection and decide whether to continue the connection but so continue your process.
If you have been in separation with your intended and you're using this process to connect with friends; soulmate connections who are positive, and nice, new connections/friends that you knew in advance would lead you to reconnect with your intended, then you may notice that the momentum of your moving forward has begun to bring the two of you back together via the polarity.
Some use this process to connect or reconnect with their intended, their soulmate or twin flame.
Some use this process to make new friends and positive soul connections.
Some use this process to learn more about themselves through the positive connections they make.
However you choose to use this technique, it isn't magic but it can indeed feel like it works like magic because it helps you bring in the positive connections that you deserve in your life. As you do, use the tips that are outlined above to assist you in keeping everything effortless and in positive perspective.
I wish everyone many blessings. xoxo