Question Submitted: My Twin Flame is posting spiritual stuff, does this mean his inner work is done?

Here's the full question: 

Dear Helena,

The person I believe is my twin flame and I were together for two years before we broke up. Our relationship has always been full of ups and downs and sometimes he can be verbally abusive but he always apologizes and he acknowledges we have a special connection neither of us can explain. I always knew his karmic who lives in another state was still in his life and he didn't try to hide it. Physically it was supposed to be just me and him but I knew he still talked to her. I found out he'd been cheating on me with her the whole time so I confronted him about it. When I confronted him he said I was too insecure and ended our relationship so we're in separation now. This is our 3rd separation. Over the past 2 weeks he's been posting daily spiritual quotes, mostly Bible verses and memes by Deepak Chopra and Rumi. Does this mean he's finally waking up? Is he posting these for me to see? Is this a sign he finally ended it for good with his karmic? Should I reach out or should I let him contact me first? I'm so confused. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Love & light,

Stacey

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Wow, I have to agree, that’s ironic. Someone with the propensity to be unfaithful posting Bible verses and quotes. I’m sorry they cheated on you. No one deserves to be disrespected that way.

I suppose what you’re describing kind of goes back to that old saying about “Judgmental Christians” and what I used to hear as called “Sunday Morning Christians.” It’s a very old saying that still rings true today.

Those were, in my day, the people who lead shallow lives all week long and even pointing a judgmental finger at others pointing out their bad behavior, but on Sunday mornings they were right there in the front pew at the church being all religious and perfect.

Usually we just call that being hypocritical.

Being a verbal Christian while having done and maybe even still doing bad things such as cheating. That’s pretty hypocritical.

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That to me says it could be a few different things.

Since we don’t want to be too judgmental as they tend to be, let’s go ahead and look at this logically.

What could be happening in a situation like this?

They may have found religion and perhaps they’re changing their wicked ways? It sounds unlikely but it’s always possible.

Maybe they’ve found religion and that doesn’t actually have anything to do with the fact they cheated. In this possible scenario they’re completely focused on religious matter.

Maybe they’ve learned a lesson and realize their behavior was wrong, and realize they shouldn’t have cheated on you and as such, they’re making daily quotes like affirmations like little self-reminders. That’s pretty common.

Perhaps they want to show the world that they’re a good person by doing things like that because they know in reality that they’re not.

Maybe they’re just a “Sunday Morning Christian.” Hypocritical.

How should you respond to their behavior?

Personally, I think you should do nothing.

I mean, you know they’re a (confirmed cheater) and you’ve also tried having a relationship with them once that didn’t work out (because of their cheating.) Do you really want to take that roller coaster ride again? Last time you took that ride you didn’t like it, the ride made you throw-up and you were glad when it was all over. I for sure wouldn’t be pulling that brass ring off that merry-go-round. No thanks.

I assume those closest to you who have your best interests at heart don’t want to see you hurting again. And you shouldn't want that for yourself either.

If it were me, I would not excuse the cheating behavior but I’d sure ignore the person behind it. I wouldn’t give someone like that who clearly exhibits toxic relationship behaviors a second thought.

The relationship is over, thanks to their cheating. Period. The end. Good night. Out of sight out of mind. Ride over. Over and out. Hit the road Jack and don’t ‘ya come back no more no more. That would be the end. This person who hurt you does not deserve your energy.

Here's my thoughts:

Maybe he's really your twin flame and maybe he isn't. Regardless of any labels, if he has in fact ended it with this other relationship and has "woken up" to the fact he's been wrong and has treated you badly, and if your relationship is meant to be then it will be so there's nothing to worry about or do. 

History is something we can learn from. So let's think about history for a second.

Toxic people such as narcissists tend to do that…

As in, putting on a certain front for public consumption and actually being another way entirely. They know they’re a jerk, and they probably assume that everyone else knows too. But they don’t want to be thought of as the jerk they are (this stems from their fragile ego) so they pretend.

Toxic people and narcissists also suffer from something called magical thinking.

Ironically, it’s that magical thinking that lets them actually believe that other people will believe their lies and facade.

There’s also something else called narcissistic rumination which could be why you’re even giving their religious posts a second thought.

Rumination is when, after being exposed to a narcissist, the victim (that would be you) keeps going over and over in their heads about the details.

Details can be anything but are usually things such as…

Why you broke up…

Why they cheated…

How they could keep that from you…

Maybe it wasn’t all their fault after all…

What they’re up to on social media now…

How they might think or feel about you…

What, if anything, their new religious posting style means…

Wondering if they’re trying to get your attention in some way…

Wondering if maybe, just maybe, you can “fix” or “help” even “heal them” with your kindness and your patient, compassionate presence because they just have so much darn potential.

While I am not saying they’re a narcissist or even a bad person, I will say that the fact you’re even thinking about the posts is an indication of rumination.

Let me help save you from spending undue time, energy and stress:

  1. No, as much as you want to, no one can fix another person.
  2. Toxic people are notoriously difficult to spot. If they were easy to spot, there would be no need for so many narcissism survivor groups.
  3. While your intentions might be in the right place, that does not change the fact that someone is toxic or make the toxic person’s intentions somehow good.
  4. As rule of thumb toxic people do not change.
  5. If or when they do rarely change, it’s extremely rare. But they do know how to parrot words and mirror behaviors that look as though they have changed.
  6. If someone will cheat with you then they will most certainly cheat on you.
  7. Just because someone posts wonderful, enlightening things does not mean that they, themselves are also wonderful.
  8. Believe it or not, narcissists are actually known for posting things from their favorite spiritual gurus, public speakers, coaches, religious stuff, etc. (Dr. Ramani actually did a video on this subject.)
  9. If it were possible to heal, fix, help or change a toxic individual then there would be no more toxic or narcissistic people left on this planet.
  10. Toxic people have a keen ability to manipulate others, especially your thoughts and feelings.

Narcissists and toxic individuals gravitate toward empaths, the spiritual community, religious people, or anyone with high empathy because of some very specific reasons.

  1. They watch and learn in order to mirror certain behaviors.
  2. Empaths are less quick to judge and are extremely quick to forgive so are more easily manipulated.
  3. Empathic souls tend to “see all the good” versus noticing the bad in someone.
  4. They gravitate toward the empathic community because they desire to be thought of as empathic themselves.
  5. Empaths make excellent “supply” for narcissists.
  6. Due to lacking a firm sense of self-identity, they copy and parrot empaths which is what they believe is already thought of as positive, appreciated and admired.

So now that you’ve had a kind of crash course in toxic people, I want to add that narcissists tend to not want to let a relationship go.

They will flirt, coax and woo someone back from a distance as a part of their Love Bombing → Devalue → Discard → Hoover → Love Bombing → Devalue → Discard process.

They will “paint a picture” so to speak of change (such as posting religious or spiritual quotes) to create a facade of implied changes so the victim will see it and believe they’ve changed for the better.

Narcissists, especially the covert variety, spend lots of time and energy posting and reposting "empathic sounding" quotes from their favorite spiritual people because they, themselves want to be viewed like that.

Many have GRANDIOSE ideas like going into public speaking, or anything that might get them attention and "celebrity status" because they want to be like those they admire most.

This is one reason the more difficult-to-spot COVERT will, say, go onto a website and post something themselves but tag the people who they admire in the public eye in order to get views from the folks who are already paying attention to that person. They have a hard time with criticisms though, so that isn't always a good plan. They also tend to mirror the words and behaviors of those they admire. Your guy here might be using Rumi or even the Bible in an attempt to do just that. 

Now let's think about the nature of your relationship.

Toxic people don’t like to let a relationship go completely because of ego.

They’ll even make up reasons and justifications in their head as to why you are not together. These excuses are intended to soften the blows to their ego.

REJECTION for a narcissist can never have a simple explanation like the other person just isn't interested. As a matter of fact, rejection is one of the things narcissists struggle with most of all.

Example narcissistic statement: “We aren’t together at the moment because they just haven’t realized how important our connection is. They have inner work to do and then they’ll be able to see how great I am.”

Another example: “I treated you badly but don’t you love me unconditionally? I’ve changed, I’ve learned so much, don’t you see we’re meant to be together?”

So it becomes your fault and not their own fault. Or it’s all just because the other person can’t see how great the narcissist is. That’s basically the grandiosity of the narcissistic ego. See what I mean?

Again, I am not saying that your person you’re talking about here in your question is toxic or even narcissistic or is even a bad person.

What I’m saying is, while you’re listening with your heart remember to also look with your eyes and let your common sense and logic prevail because no one deserves to be mistreated and no one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. Everyone deserves happiness, including you.

Anyway, I hope this helps you. Blessings XO

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