It's Important To Enjoy A Healthy Relationship

I've put together a few points to help you enjoy a happy, healthy relationship. Most of these will come as common sense, but I hope you'll enjoy them! 

1. Know that you're a valuable person who deserves healthy love:   Are you “tolerating” a bad relationship or worse, your partner’s bad behavior toward you? Relationships can be toxic in a number of ways. If you’re in an unhealthy situation, this isn’t a good thing. Whoever you are, know that you ARE worthy. You’re worthy of love, and you’re worthy of a healthy relationship that isn’t abusive. 

2. Don't confuse intensity for love:  Did you know that even narcissistic relationships can be “intense?” Actually, toxic relationships in general can be intense. “This is the most intense relationship I’ve ever had!” I’m sure you’re right… but is it a (healthy) one? Ideally it is healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying your relationship is toxic or even with a narcissist. I’m saying that certain unhealthy relationships can be so intense, that it becomes difficult to distinguish between real love and the intensity.

3. Establish healthy personal boundaries:  It sounds simple in theory, but there are actually different types of boundaries. Of course healthy boundaries in general are considered a good thing. Do you feel as though you need to be on “stand by” in case your partner calls? Do you feel like it’s your birthday every time your partner sends you a text, but then you’re left waiting until they feel moved to reach out to you again, with large gaps of time in between? Do you feel as though a lack of respect exists between you? Remember, communication about one another's needs is important, but so are healthy boundaries. Take each other’s feelings into account. Share with your partner what your relationship needs are, and have enough respect for yourself to treat your own heart well.

4. Notice your communication styles:  Remember that everyone has their own communication style -and even their own “love language” sometimes. Different people communicate in different ways. While everyone has their own personal style of communication, I think it’s more important that you have styles that mesh well with one another versus comparing your styles. Maybe they can go all day without hearing from you but you’re someone who likes to chat all day long. Let one another know how you feel about communication. As you want to make your partner happy, they want to make you happy too.

5. Enjoy excellent chemistry together:  There are two types of chemistry; the “romantic spark” we feel in their presence and when we’re thinking of them, and the level of comfort shared in the connection. You should feel safe with your partner. Safe physically, but also safe giving them your heart. While the spark is all wonderful, there’s also a certain level of comfort in being with them. They let you be you, and you let them be them. And you enjoy one another. 

6. Healthy autonomy is a good thing:  While you’re a great team, you’re still able to be yourself just as they’re able to be themselves. Rather than enmeshing into them or being otherwise codependent, you have a firm sense of self-identity as do they. You know who you are, as do they. You might share certain hobbies or interests, but you also have some “you” things just as they have some “them” things too. In other words, individuality. They let you be you. And you afford them their autonomy as well.

7. Love your partner for who they are, not their potential:  Your partner is who they are, just as you’re who you are. You can’t change your partner. You cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself. They are who they are. It’s pretty common to think about where the relationship might go; will you move in together, will you get married, will you build a family together and so on. It’s fine to think about the things you want in your future together. But if you have thoughts like, “Someday they’ll stop being a jerk… or hurting my feelings… someday they’ll become self-sufficient… or someday they’ll treat me the way I want to be treated, someday they’ll start being kind and respectful…” you might be in love with an idea versus loving the person. 

In this article, Elaine Hatfield describes the differences between passionate and compassionate love as she categorizes the two types. It's an interesting idea. I find this article really insightful so I’ll link it here in case you’d enjoy having a look. Passionate love is fantastic (just as is compassionate love) and ideally, it's said that it is best to strike a healthy balance between the two.

Regardless of your style in loving you share with your partner, it should be a healthy relationship. 

I hope this helps you! Blessings XO

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