How To: Be The Lobster In Your Relationship

Yes, in theory this sounds very odd. But, it's very true. I love McDonnald's fish filet. I love it so much. It's very close by, and convenient. It's super easy to get. There's even a drive thru. I can zip in and out, have my filet and go back to what I was doing with a full and happy tummy. It's so inexpensive, I could reasonably enjoy it every single day if I wanted to. They even invite me to come and enjoy their offerings with coupons!

Then, there's The Federal. The Federal has a rare lobster bisque and a delicious seafood entree, for which the recipe is coveted by other fine restaurants. It's expensive and they don't offer discounts or coupons, so I save my money with great excitement and anticipation to dine there, and I carefully savor each bite because I don't know when I'll get it again. I dress up nicely, wear my best heels and drive the hour it takes to get to dine at The Federal. It's a special treat.

If I had my preference, I'd choose the lobster special at The Federal -even though I have to work very hard to get it.

But why? I love McDonnald's just as much! The McDonnald's is so much closer and less expensive. It's even easier with the drive thru. I don't even have to bother dressing up. I could have it every day! Why not choose to buy 2 fish filet combos at McDonnald's for a full week versus ONE small meal at The Federal?

Because.. while both are equally yummy and both will make me feel happy and full, The Federal is BETTER.

The same goes with relationships.

A man may love his current girlfriend, but he still looks at the occasional adult website or smiles at the pretty cashier. Why? Doesn't he adore his girlfriend? The cashier isn't better or prettier than the girlfriend. So, why even bother looking at her? The girlfriend is available on the weekends to be taken out and shown off. She cooks his meals when he comes over, keeps his dogs when he travels, holds him when he cries, listens to his troubles. She loves and nurtures him. She is invested. She's doing everything right. So, why would he even think of looking at the cashier? Or, porn for that matter?

First, all men look. They have eyeballs, and they are human. (You DO want a boyfriend and not a pet human, right?) So, unless you want to keep his manhood in a locked box buried in your back yard, your man will look around him, just as your eyes move toward the things and people that interest you. Just as you're reading this article right now. That said, he is a human so afford his eyeballs the courtesy of letting them operate on autopilot. Believe me, he's not just looking at the cashier. he's also looking at your pretty friend, your cousin, the 700 pound mail carrier and his 4th grade teacher. It's him you don't want to cheat, not his eyeballs. The cure for this is you saying, "I understand that you're male, so you look. Probably even at things I don't want to see. I just like to hear confirmation that I'm your favorite girl, and that you're not interested in anyone else sometimes." He will give you the verbal confirmation you are after. (Just try not to ask this question multiple times a day.)

Now, back to the McDonnald's analogy. Men are creatures of habit. If you're dating and you're always around, doing everything right, yet he has not made you his, there's something wrong. You've possibly become his McDonnald's. So, rather than getting upset that he's gone out on the 5th consecutive Saturday night "with the boys," to the local pickup joint, read this instead.

Just like in the McDonnald's analogy, men love what comes easily to them. But they ADORE what they have to actually work for. When a man buys a Toyota, he brags to his friends how easy it was to get one over on the sales guy, the factory rebate and the good gas mileage. But when he buys a Farrari, he never talks about the price. He'll talk about how the engine feels under him, how the leather cradles his butt and how it drives. But he'll never talk about the price. Everyone can clearly see it's expensive. He doesn't need to talk about the price.

As a woman, your job is to be that Farrari or that lobster, not the McDonnald's or the Toyota.

He rarely has time to connect with me, he's so busy! So, you make yourself 100% available to him in case he gets a chance to call or text. I remember when my twin flame was still going through his divorce. He was working 60 hours a week and rarely had time to himself, let alone to text with me. But, he made time and he made time all day long to shoot me little notes back and forth. After all, I was living 1100 miles away and he didn't know what I was doing. Heck, I could have met some new guy in my city for all he knew if he didn't make an investment in our relationship. I had not yet made a commitment to him. But he knew that I had needs: I needed a man who was available, attentive and who lived close enough for me to see. He expedited his divorce to BE THAT GUY. He BECAME THAT GUY by becoming available, being extra attentive and completely facilitating a relocation for me.

Now, my twin flame is very successful and good at what he does, but he is not a rich man like, say, Donald Trump. He had to work very hard to help me relocate. It was work financially and physically, but he did it and he LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. He worked long hours, went apartment hunting, enlisted his friend's help in finding furniture, and so on to help me relocate. Men are GOAL ORIENTED. This was his goal. He set this goal because our relationship was SOMETHING HE DESIRED. Of course, I worked too and put in effort as well. But I didn't steal his mission, I let him accomplish it. It was something I wanted too, so I saved, took on extra lines for work, handled the document signing from 1100 miles away and so on. But I hung back enough to allow him to accomplish his mission.

If you make it too easy on a man, he will use his goal-oriented logical mind and say, "This is super easy. Wow, I don't have to do a thing in this relationship!" ...and he won't. he'll let you do everything -after all, you're so good at it and you're already doing it just fine all on your own. But you ask, "How come he doesn't try to set up Skype dates (if long distance) and why does he call me on Saturday at 9 pm for a 10 pm visit, then leaves early in the morning?"

Often, we make excuses for the man:
He works long hours, he's still married and going through a difficult divorce, he doesn't have much money, doesn't have transportation," and the list goes on.

Then, we have the REALLY BAD excuses like:
He's afraid of how intense our connection is. He loves me, he just doesn't know it yet. He'll come around, he's just going through some stuff right now. He's afraid of love. He has had a painful past. His mental state or ego won't let him have a relationship. I don't want to pressure him.

While many of these excuses are true and valid, if you've found yourself in the hurry up and waiting seat for more than, say, maybe a few weeks, something needs to change. You have the power to change it.

You may know there's something that needs to change, but you may not know exactly how to go about bringing this change to fruition. Here is how to bring the change to fruition.

You need to CREATE A SHIFT.

I mean rock the boat a little bit. I don't mean calling him at 3 am after not having heard from him in 3 months to demand that he start giving your love and devotion the respect that it deserves. No, this will never work. Please hide your crazy (if you have any) as much as possible, especially right now.

By rocking the boat, I mean start doing the OPPOSITE of what you have been doing. You have likely been doing things a certain way for some time now, and it ins't working. Change may come in bits and pieces, but not full change. So, do the opposite.

When you begin to do the opposite, the Chakra vibrates, the energy shifts and change comes about by default. You don't even need his permission, just your own, to bring the change.

My father was a quiet man, but he could walk into any room full of strangers and people would stand and greet him. He could COMMAND A CERTAIN RESPECT WITHOUT EVEN SAYING A WORD. This is very similar. Do not block him on social media, assault him with texts about how you're moving forward and are sick of waiting, don't do anything to elicit a reaction. This will never work, it is pressuring. It is no fun for the one receiving the pressure or the one doing the pressuring. Simply... Create the shift. CHANGE. Change yourself = changing the energy = changed connection.

- If you've been saving a space in your heart for him, take it back. Let him feel this, for he wouldn't want to lose that spot in your heart.

- If you have been waiting for a commitment, date others. Don't announce this is your grand plan, simply do it (unless you are already engaged/married to him, of course.) Waiting causes the Universe to believe you enjoy waiting and will only deliver more of the same to you.

- Talk with others. Even if you don't want to and your heart says no (and believe me, I know how that feels) do it. Sometimes, simply sensing that another man is around you, even a casual friendship, is enough to "wake up" that connection that has been napping on his end.

- Change your patterns. He knows your schedule, your behaviors. Change it. Completely. Sensing an energy shift causes action.

- Stop making him your hobby. If you've been dating and you've been 80-90% available to him for whatever reason, change to being 50 to 60% unavailable. In other words, reverse your efforts, reverse the chasing. He will begin to seek you out and change his schedule to mesh with yours. Stop chasing. Reverse it. 

- Don't use sex as a tool. Intimacy is a by product of love, or at least it's supposed to be. If you're giving intimacy too freely, you're using it as a tool. If you dole it out as a reward, you're using it as a tool. Often men assume it's used as a tool no matter what. A happy medium. Intimacy should be mutual and equal.

- Change your appearance and your surroundings. We are all creatures of habit. Most men hate change of any kind, unless it's for the positive. So, change your surroundings and your personal style to please YOU, not him or anyone else. Seeing these changes yourself will evoke NEW FEELINGS in you, of strength and courage. He will notice these changes and pull toward them out of curiosity and admiration.

- Be true to your feelings. Men want a woman and women want a man who can have an even keel. They want a person who is balanced in their feelings, and never a partner who bottles them up to explode later on. Start using the word "feel" more often in your daily conversation with everyone. "Oh, the museum? Yes, that feels great, let's go!" Using the word feel more often will help you regulate your emotions more effectively and this will encourage him to appreciate the way you feel.

- Say no. We are so polite, we all feel as though we need to accommodate everyone to not be rude. This is especially true about people with higher empathy. it's OKAY to tell someone no, especially them. "No, I don't (feel) like pizza tonight. I'd prefer vegetables. Can we compromise?" Be more assertive in your feelings, and his respect for your feelings will increase.

- Don't accommodate. it's okay to be available for a date, but he should feel like he's getting your time. "No, I can't make it tonight because I've made other plans already. I wish you had called on Monday." Or, "Yes, I am available on Saturday night but I can't do 9, I can do 9:30 though." (Just a 30 minute difference makes a person feel like he's won a championship and won a valuable date with you.) After all, aren't you worth winning?

If you're in a situation with a Twin Flame and you're not in contact, it's okay to set that aside and move forward to enjoy your life. Don't wait on a relationship -even a twin flame or a soul mate relationship. The twin flame connection and finding the right soul mate is like winning the lottery. It is rare. No one declines the lottery winnings. Even the people who donate their winnings to charity still accept the check. If your soul mate or twin flame is ignoring you, move forward. If you sit still and accept being ignored, or if you chase them down, they will have no reason to change. They will think, "I don't need to change, I don't need to choose the path with this person because they will always be around...after all, they're chasing me." You're sitting there, waiting. He or she is free to choose you at any time. There is no hurry on his or her part. He or she knows you're sitting there, waiting. And even if you've not told them that's what you're doing, they can absolutely sense it. Again, Chakra.

SO, GIVE THEM GOOD REASON TO CHANGE THINGS. Don't announce it, don't flaunt it, just DO IT, kind of like Nike says. Create the necessary shift in YOU. 

If you're happily busy with your own life but still waiting on them, they can sense this and won't change things. YOU have the power, so initiate the change. BE that lobster, be that sports car. Don't just know you're valuable, BE valuable. Be the shift. 



Thanks a lot for that, I’m grateful I found your blog and this article today! Be The Lobster – I absolutely love this! 💜


Yes, this is so hard. He is all you say. I have made it too easy. I wish I could change it up so he would feel he needs to not take me for granted. Easier said than done.


So good…


Needed to hear that today..


I read your article and it’s great. I just wish I could do that and stick with it. He never calls me or text but days he loves me. I feel guilty if I get out and not with him. I dont like me.

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published