Have you ever seen a man date a woman for many months or years and not make a commitment? Then, when he leaves that woman, he immediately commits to the new woman? A commitment can look like many things such as exclusive dating, engagement or marriage. But actually following through and building a life together is the most common form of commitment. People can be married 25 years and never build a nest. People can date for many years and never build a life together. If building a life with a partner is your goal, then you need to read this article.
Men are logical thinkers and women are emotional thinkers.
I will use emotions and feelings as an example for women, as this speaks to them and women run on emotions and feeling in everything they do. I'll use financial investments as an analogy for the men, as men understand logic and numbers.
Everyone in this world has "baggage" they bring to relationships. But if you are not receiving what you're investing, this brings pain.
I have a friend who invests his money in different financial ventures. He "diversifies" to make sure that he always receives a return on his investments. He invests different amounts, tries different things, and sees what brings the best return. When he finds an investment that works, he sticks with it. He doesn't go looking for a better investment, because he's found something that brings a good return. Men are the same in relationships. Once they invest in a relationship and are happy with the woman, they don't go seeking a new woman, for he's logical and sticks with what he knows, what he has. He keeps investing, and he keeps getting a return.
When you give many different things (diversify) in your relationship, you will see a return on your investment. You see what works best, and you stick with that.
But what if you'e invested in your relationship but you're not seeing a return?
As a woman: Your knee-jerk reaction is to invest MORE. You try to invest more, because you assume that investing more will yield a better return in the end.
When my friend sees that his financial investment in stocks or funds is not yielding a return, he takes his money and moves it into a different, and hopefully better, investment. He doesn't keep on investing in the stock that isn't yielding a return, for this would be wasting his hard earned money. He is a very smart man and he is also very successful. To my friend, this investment that yields NO return or not enough of a return is a "bad investment." Sometimes, his good investment slows down....this investment does not yield as large of a return, but it still yields a return. So, he sticks with it because he remembers that the investment yielded an excellent return. And he knows it's still giving a return right now. He recalls that it DID yield a return that was huge, once before. He knows if he waits a bit, this investment WILL AGAIN yield another high return, and even might split and yield an even BETTER return.
Men will stick with a relationship too. They recall the great return on their investment and they know that a large return is coming. So, men do not seek out new investments because he is already invested and knows the high return is near.
But if an investment STOPS cold and stops yielding a return, he will stop investing.
Women, on the other hand, believe that if they invest MORE in a bad investment, that it will eventually turn back around and yield a great return. Why do women do this? it's because women still remember the POTENTIAL of the investment. They're not discouraged at seeing no return on their investment. They run on a "feeling" that their investment will produce a high return....someday.
But when we keep investing in something that is not yielding a return, then why should we invest? But women keep investing in no return. To men, this appears crazy. Men think: "Why is she investing so much in me? I am not giving any return. What the heck is she doing?"
When women keep investing in something that doesn't yield a return, they receive pain. And when women keep investing in pain, they start chasing the pain.
The man looks back at the woman and thinks to himself, "Why is she still investing in this pain? She's told me her painful feelings. But she keeps investing. She must be nuts."
But women do not see this, as the man pulls farther and farther away.
Instead, like a martyr, they keep on investing.
But when the woman stops investing (chasing) in this dead end investment, the man stops running. He stops running because she is no longer chasing. You cannot run from something unless it is chasing you, and when there is nothing chasing you then there is no need to run anymore.
This is when the man's ego comes into play and thinks, "Hey! Why isn't she chasing anymore? I wonder..." He turns PARTLY around.
This is the moment when he reaches out to find out what is going on, why the chasing has stopped. But if the woman leans forward again and resumes chasing, the man will again run.
This cycle can last YEARS AND YEARS...
But if the woman keeps the man at arm's length, does not lean forward, and does not resume chasing, the man will turn around completely. He needs to know why he isn't being chased. What changed?
If a woman or a man is fully invested and the other is not, the first partner will lose respect as their partner is not demonstrating value.
Can this be turned around?
Yes, it can.
Here are the key elements needed for building an investment:
1. Trust. Both partners must trust equally. If you trust your partner, you must also trust yourself. If you trust that you make good decisions, then you'll never have to mistrust your partner. It's okay to "worry for your partner's safety," and mistrust the Universe as it's okay to care, but never mistrust your partner.
2. Investment. Both partners must invest (emotionally) equally. If you're investing too much you'll find you're "overextended." So, pull back. If you are not invested enough, then it's time to reinvest more in the partnership.
3. Loyalty. Both partners must be equally loyal to one another.
4. Unconditional love. If you're willing to give and receive unconditionally, you will receive the highest return on your emotional investment.
5. Logic. This will be harder for the women to understand, but use your logic. Logic speaks volumes. If you think versus run on feelings, you will receive the highest return on your investment.
Incorporate all these elements into your relationship and you will see a return.