What NOT To Do When You Want To Reconcile Your Relationship

What NOT To Do: Getting Your Ex Back What NOT To Do When You Want Your Ex Back

We have carefully vetted and discussed every avenue regarding getting your ex back. What we haven’t discussed though, is what is not to do, or what’s inappropriate behavior. In this article we will go over a few things that I have heard from my clients on the subject. And yes, please pay very, very close attention. You just might find yourself right here.

The Common Sense Stuff
This may seem a bit too common sense to you, however to many out there, it’s going to be rather jarring. And yes, people ready have tried these brash tactics. That said, here you go. Don’t hack their phone or computer. Or their iPad. If you’ve already been doing this (and let’s be truthful here) STOP right away.

Do not fly to their city on your own dime just to park outside their place of residence. Trust me, they will recognize you. And it will not make you appear more attractive to them.

Don’t send them a barrage of text messages. I refer to this as “text assault.” And this goes for emails, too. I understand you’re very hurt. I understand you’re desperate. I know you’re thinking, “If I could only talk to them.” Trust me, not a prudent decision if you’re trying to use the “get them back” methods as suggested in all the programs I have ever read. Please, please lay off the text.

Don’t buy them gifts and send them in the mail. This may seem strange, as you want to be adored and admired by them. But trust me, it is not in your best interest.

Don’t write them a letter and send it in the mail. Yes, anything sent through the Post Office still counts!

Do not contact their exes to discuss what a horrible person they are. You’re angry, I understand. But it’s just not a good idea. And it is definitely not a good plan should you ever desire them to return to you. Your messages of anger you convey while you’re in a state of painful panic is not what you want them to remember you by. Not if you want them to have any positive feelings about you.

Do not contact their current romantic partner. This is just common sense. And it will save you much embarrassment in the future.

Do not call them. I repeat: DO NOT CALL THEM. Just don’t. It’s the same as text or emailing them. I DO NOT CARE HOW AWESOME A REASON YOU HAVE CONCOCTED. And I have heard some real doozies! Think of a time you ended a relationship, would you want unsolicited calls from that person? You won’t say the right thing and their negative feelings toward you have not died down enough yet. Wait a MINIMUM of 21 days to 8 weeks prior to first contact unless under the guidance of a relationship coach.

Do not “stalk” them online. Don’t visit their social network pages, business website or decide to finally connect with them via LinkedIn. For the love of God, STAY OFF THE INTERNET! What you see may only upset you, and this will cause you more confusion and will definitely cause you unwanted pain.

Do not contact their parents. Do not contact their siblings. Do not call “because you care.” Even if you trust the person you’re calling, your call WILL be reported to your ex. And you will be viewed as invasive and even more so, annoying. Just don’t do it.

Do not contact their friends: FOR ANY REASON. Even if you’re “worried” about your ex, this is not your business anymore. Again, this will be viewed as invasive. (And you should never do this in the first place, even when you are in a relationship or getting along.)

Do not “accidentally” bump into them. I cannot stress this enough. And I have heard this one far too many times to not address it. It will appear contrived, and you’ll look silly for showing up at his or her old haunts.

Do not “conveniently contact them regarding business or work.” This may seem like an odd point, but I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this end in disaster. Even if you had a business idea together or you happen to work at the same office location, avoid this situation at all costs.

If you do happen to work at the same office, don’t put in for a transfer. It will make you appear fearful. Don’t let them have that satisfaction. Simply carry on, head held high like the lady you are.

Do not engage in gossip about your ex. That cannot possibly help, especially if you plan to get them back, or even be thought of highly, especially in the office. Gossip is never flattering, or becoming, nor will it help you in any manner. “You are too much of a lady to speak,” as someone very close to me would creatively phrase it.

DO NOT THREATEN YOUR EX! You have known them for possibly a long time and may have “dirt” on them. Do not use that to a conniving advantage. If they confided in you, they did so because they trusted you. Do not compromise that trust, especially if you want them back. This includes divulging private photos, information or anything whatsoever -especially in a way that might cause them embarrassment or pain.

Do not bother your ex regarding financial issues. If your ex owes you money and it’s a genuine loan, then it’s okay to request it. But do so privately, tactfully and diplomatically (after an appropriate amount of time has passed.) If they are moving out and owe a portion of expenses such as rent, it’s okay to request it.

Do not reach out to them to return their belongings, photos, personal items they left at your place, etc. This may sound odd, but trust me when I assure you that they know you have them. You’ll look very silly contacting them to return a used $2 disposable razor, a bottle of cologne (regardless of how expensive it may be) and a photo of their dog. If they want these items, they will not “be too scared to reach out.” If it’s items of high value, they will definitely reach out with a request. They’ll let you know, believe me.

Do not pack a box of their personal items in your possession and drop them at their workplace.

Do not send them money or a check that you “think you might owe them.” Unless it’s alimony or child support, do not contact them for this (or any) reason.

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