Communication Techniques For Couples That Really Work

It always amazes me. Men pick a destination and they go effortlessly from point A to point B. Women, on the other hand, go from point A and everywhere under the sun 110 times and back...all in their head, ever before beginning the journey.

I see women literally allow their thoughts to govern their feelings and I see them allow their feelings to govern their thoughts just as often.

I once saw a funny video. A cat and a dog were napping together on a couch. The cat wakes up, looks around, then promptly bops the dog in the head (hard) waking him up. The caption read: "When your girlfriend dreams you were talking to another woman."

I thought this was pretty funny, because it is true! If a woman even has a fleeting thought that her guy is doing something wrong, she often becomes upset. Her reasons for becoming upset make perfect sense to HER, because once she experiences that thought, she begins to examine her feelings too, to check that thought for any validity. Unfortunately for her, feelings are not what yields validity. FACTS are what yields validity.

Men, on the other hand, have stable thoughts that arrive one after the other. Women have fleeting thoughts that arrive all at once.

Women are wired to experience multiple thoughts so they're excellent multi taskers. Men, on the other hand, can only successfully experience one action or thought at any given time.

Men are by nature, far more grounded and balanced as a result. Women must work harder to find balance due to the way they are wired.

MEN: Experience 1 thought or action at a time in rapid succession.
WOMEN: Experience multiple thoughts and multi-task simultaneously.

MEN: Experience 1 feeling or emotional response at a time, in succession.
WOMEN: Experience multiple feelings and emotions constantly, regardless of the activity.

MEN: Can experience and share feelings, however due to being compartmentalized, a request for sharing feelings is often viewed as an invitation to feel "out of control," because men only experience emotion when something is intense.
WOMEN: Can and do experience emotional responses with each and every activity, sight, sound, thought or tactile experience. Prefer to feel each feeling simultaneously, and at the same time. An invitation to share feelings is not needed with women, as they automatically explore and share emotional responses and feelings constantly without interruption.

If a woman is, for whatever reason, unable to share or express her feelings, she feels immediately unhappy and the feelings may emplode. Men, on the other hand, experience the onset of emotions and are able to set them aside for visiting at a later time.

While women feel that men are complicated, it's actually women whose brains are far more complex.

HOW TO SHARE YOUR FEELINGS:
1. For important conversation, select a time and place that is appropriate, absent of any interruptions. Men require total focus.
2. Be clear and concise. Women have a tendency to like to "talk things out." They tend to visit multiple subjects before becoming able to get down to the point. State your feelings clearly, in as few words as possible.
3. It's all about presentation. "I'm feeling.....and this doesn't make me happy," is a lot better than, "When you're doing.....you don't realize how this makes me feel...." Don't place blame or shame.
4. Men want to know how to fix it. They're problem solving pros. If you give him a "cheat sheet" with what makes you happy, they'll thank you. Clearly and be concise, give him the info he needs. "It would make me very happy if..."

Try these techniques and watch your communication blossom. You're welcome.

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